Friday, September 11, 2009

Airport Cousins

How I Live Now - Daisy
Briar Rose - Becca
Setting - England, Daisy's House

I was going back to Poland to see my old friends I had met on my last trip, only this time I brought Stan, my boss and boyfriend. We were in the England airport waiting for our connection when the intercom came on saying our flight was canceled due to weather and the next flight was tomorrow. Stan and I were trapped in the airport. Claps of thunder went off every five minutes. Lightning lit up the sky. I panicked. "What do we do? Do we know anyone over here? Who should we call?"
"Becca, calm down, it's okay. We'll figure something out." Stan said soothingly. Just then someone tapped me on the shoulder.
"Becca?" For a minute I didn't recognize her. "Becca it's me, Daisy."
"Oh my gosh. Daisy!" My cousin and I hugged and jumped around like little girls. "Look at you!" I took a second look at my little cousin. The young woman in front of me was so different than what I remembered of her. "What are you doing here? I thought you went back to New York."
"I came back to England a few years ago. I missed it too much. Oh how stupid of me! Becca, this is Isaac, my cousin." We shook hands.
"And this is Stan, my boyfriend." They shook hands, too professionally in my opinion.
"How long are you guys in England?" We told them the whole story and they insisted we stay at their house for the night. Daisy explained she had been picking Isaac up from his trip to Barcelona.
It was still raining when we left the airport after grabbing some food. Daisy told me all about Piper, Edmund, and Isaac, because he doesn't say much. We arrived at their white mansion a while later. Piper, who I've never met in my life, came running up to me and gave me a hug. Then she made her boyfriend Jonathan say hello. Daisy searched the house for Edmund, but came back with a depressed expression and shook her head. After Piper and Isaac went to bed, Daisy, Stan, and I sat at the kitchen table and talked for awhile.
"The house was a wreck. All the animals died, that was what was hardest on Piper. I came back three years later to find everything pretty much the way it was, except for Edmund." She looked down. Stan was writing everything down on a notepad. I put my hand on his, signaling for him to stop. He looked over at me and put it down. "We don't talk much. He only talks to Isaac."
"I'm sorry."
"It'll get better, Piper's assured me. So how's work going?" We talked for a few hours before heading to bed. We stayed up in a loft. Daisy said it was her favorite spot in the house. It smelled old and slightly musty but was warm and comfortable.
We woke up to the smell of bacon and dogs barking. It stopped raining and was just foggy. The drive to the airport was mostly quiet except for Piper talking about random things. Daisy and Piper came in with us while we got tags and gate numbers. We hugged several times and promised to visit more often. Our flight number was called, so we had to run to make it on time. I honestly didn't want to leave, despite really wanting to get to Poland the day before. Stan took my hand and we walked on the plane together.

8 comments:

  1. I enjoyed this story. It is believable also. I can picture your story and it seems to fit with what I had in mind with 'How I Live Now'. I think it is realistic that Edmund is still scarred by what happened to him. This story made me think of everything I remember reading from 'How I Live Now'.

    The dialogue seemed realistic. I believe that everything they say fits with the character. I thought that the dialogue was apropriately placed throughout the story. The details that made It seem real were the similarities to the stories and the beleivable scenerios. The scenerios match the stories in a way where it could possibly have been written as an epilogue to the stories.

    "The drive to the airport was mostly quiet except for Piper talking about random things." This quote stood out to me. I don't know why it did but it stood out. I like how Piper was talking about random thingsl. It shows that her character has the same childish traits.

    One thing I found distracting with you story was the run on sentences. There are also a few errors in grammar. Other than that I thought your story was fine. I did not pick up on any spelling errors. I also did not question the way you wrote it.

    One thing you could improve would be your descriptions. Not all of us read the same story. It might help us visualize the character if we know more about them. You could include basic physical features as one way to help us visualize the characters in your story.

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  2. i really like this story. I'm haven't read How I Live Now so i don't really know about the characters that well. i liked how stan was taking notes on his notepad. it shows that he's a journalist.
    I thought that the dialogues seemed pretty realistic. I liked how they are spread out evenly throughout the story and not all clumped together. i also like how there isn't a "s/he said" after everything someone says. it makes the story a lot more interesting.
    "The house was a wreck. All the animals died, that was what was hardest on Piper." i learned a little about How I Live Now. you can tell that something happened to the house and now its in a wreck. you can also tell that the animals mean a lot to Piper because it said that it was the hardest on him in the quote.
    I didn't pick up any errors in your story. i really enjoyed it.
    I agree with Payton that you should include more detailed about the characters and the setting of the storied. it would've helped me understand more about the book.

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  3. i really like this story. I'm haven't read How I Live Now so i don't really know about the characters that well. i liked how stan was taking notes on his notepad. it shows that he's a journalist.
    I thought that the dialogues seemed pretty realistic. I liked how they are spread out evenly throughout the story and not all clumped together. i also like how there isn't a "s/he said" after everything someone says. it makes the story a lot more interesting.
    "The house was a wreck. All the animals died, that was what was hardest on Piper." i learned a little about How I Live Now. you can tell that something happened to the house and now its in a wreck. you can also tell that the animals mean a lot to Piper because it said that it was the hardest on him in the quote.
    I didn't pick up any errors in your story. i really enjoyed it.
    I agree with Payton that you should include more detailed about the characters and the setting of the storied. it would've helped me understand more about the book.

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  4. Your story seems really interesting, in a good way. I haven't read 'How I Live Now,' but after reading your story, I think I might read it. You did a great job, in my opinion, of interpreting Becca and Stan and their personalities into this story. I specifically remember the part from this story when Stan was writing down what Daisy was saying, and she was somewhat offended by it so Becca had to tell him to stop.

    I think that the dialogue seemed very natural to the characters. It was very believable and real. For instance, when Stan, Becca, and Daisy were all talking at night.The way that Daisy was explaining Piper and Edmund, and how they have changed and reacted to situations. I think you did a good job on that.

    My favorite line from this story is, "The drive to the airport was mostly quiet except for Piper talking about random things." I like it because it tells me a lot about Piper. She sounds like a funny person, and someone who likes to keep up with conversations. It stood out to me because it tells me something about her character. Since I never read that book, this gives me a little hint to what the character is like.

    Something that I found distracting about this story is when all the characters were talking about the places that they are going to/went. I don't know what sort of thing is going on in Poland or England. Or what type of things happened in England, because I haven't read that book. So that was a little confusing to me.

    I agree with the others when saying that you should be a little more descriptive of the characters. I have no idea what Daisy, Isaac, Piper, or Edmund look like. Maybe it's not important to the story, but I think that it would make it easier to understand and visualize. You could just take that into consideration.

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  5. I didn't read the books that any of your characters were in, but I felt that you did a good job of showing each person's personality. I believed your essay was very descriptive, and I could picture the setting from your story. I felt that your story was overall very well written, and made the reader interested about the character's lives. Your story made me wonder about the different characters and what happened to them In the books.

    I believe that the conversation and the interactions between your characters really did seem beliveable. When they talked to each other, they reacted like someone would in the real world. For example the happy moment when the cousins were reunited again really did sounded authentic. Also the descriptions of what was going on were really well done. such as "claps of thunder" and "said soothingly" Those were some strong points in your story.

    My favorite line in this story was ""And this is Stan, my boyfriend." They shook hands, too professionally in my opinion." I really liked this line, because it showed some of the characters interactions and opinions. Like when the cousin and Becca's boyfriend didn't seem too lose around each other because they just met, and Becca picked up on that. Thats why it was my favorite line.

    The part of your essay I felt could be a little better would be a little bit of background to the places they went. For example, the white mansion they went to, I didn't read the story so I don't know really anything about it. Who lives there? Do all those people you put into your story live there together, or was the house even any of theirs? That is the part of your story I thought could be a little stronger.

    I agree in thinking that you should give a little more description of each character, because I got kind of confused. It would help if you could just give a little bit about their personality, or what they looked like. I also didn't get who was who, I was wondering if they were all related, or just friends. So it would help the reader out a bit more if you could give a little bit on the characters of your story.

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  6. I thought your essay was really good. I thought your story line was plausible. I read 'Briar Rose' as well, and I thought you did a good job of making Becca and Stan act like they had in the books.

    I thought the dialogue was extremely realistic, as well. The way Becca talked seemed to fit in with how she had in the book. You used a lot of dialogue, as well, which is a good thing. I thought it really brought the characters to life.

    I also thought you had good descriptions. For example, the line ""And this is Stan, my boyfriend." They shook hands, too professionally in my opinion." This line stood out to me particularly because I found it easy to picture these two men interacting with one another.

    I think the one thing you could improve on would be your character descriptions. I did not read 'How I Live Now' so at some points I was wondering who certain people were, such as Piper, Edmund, and Isaac. It would have been helpful if you just added some personality traits or something. Or perhaps their relationship to Daisy. I know Isaac is her cousin, but what about the other two?

    All in all, I thought your essay was good. I didn't find any spelling mistakes, just a few grammar mistakes here and there that probably could have been fixed with proof-reading. Great job, Molly!

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  7. I really liked this story, I can picture the airport with the lightning flashing across the sky. I read "How I Live Now" and it fit with the story, I didn't read "Briar Rose" but the story still made sense and was really good.

    I think that the conversation between the characters was very authentic. I could imagine them saying those things. The part about Piper hugging a person she barely knew really fit with the character.

    My favorite part of the story was "I came back three years later to find everything pretty much the way it was, except for Edmund." She looked down. Stan was writing everything down on a notepad. I put my hand on his, signaling for him to stop. He looked over at me and put it down." This tells a lot about the story "How I Live Now" and how Edmund had changed and everything. It also showed that Becca was very considerate of Piper's feelings. I also liked how Becca signaled for Stan to stop in a suddle but common way.

    I think that you used good vocabulary and worded your sentences well. There wasn't any real problem, except you might want to explain the relationship of the cousins just to clarify for people who haven't read the books.

    The setting and descriptions were great, you might want to add a little more about their white mansion like how it was old and L-shaped just to help people visualize but I thought you did a GREAT job!

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  8. i can picture sitting in the airport looking out the window and then seeing a bolt of lighting in the sky.i loved this story.

    the conversation between the two characters seemed authentic.it was like they were really cousins.

    the part of the story i liked the best was-I panicked. "What do we do? Do we know anyone over here? Who should we call?"- i like how she all panicky.

    i didn't find anything distracting or problematic in this story.

    maybe describe the stting and characters a little more. but other than that i think it was great. i loved it.

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